About my list

So I was checking out my list that I wrote a year and a half ago, and I can proudly say I accomplished several of them, such as:
- Going to New York
- Going to Paris
- Learning Spanish

I did not do the following:
- Learn how to ride a Motorbike
- Drift a car (Tokyo drift style)
- Learn basic electricity and mechanics of cars
- Have body like Jessica Biel
- Study for a new degree

It's fine, because I am going to keep some and add some:
- Have a healthy and strong body
- Drift a car (Tokyo drift style)
- Go to Tibet
- Relearn Armenian
- Learn either German or Chinese
- Go to Cuba or Peru

My new list

Okay this list is not a TO-DO list in 6 months, it's more of a long term thing, so here it is:

- Learn how to ride a Motorbike
- Go to Paris
- Go to Newyork
- Drift a car (Tokyo drift style)
- Learn basic electricity and mechanics of cars
- Have body like Jessica Biel
- Learn Spanish (yo quiero ir a la casa)
- Study for a new degree (either in Math or Psychology, whatcha think?)

Decision? What decision?

Does it happen to you, when you have a decision, a choice to make about a certain issue, which for one, you don't feel like thinking about, and two, it's one of those days, when your IQ is actually divided by 10, and it's so damn hard to see the pros and cons of things, anyway after you squeeze the juice out of your head and make a decision, you get busy with something else, and then you come back to the issue in question and forget what your decision was, and then you do the whole process again? And the funny thing, you reach a different decision. Finally it all comes down to: "Ini mini sini, chocolata ......"

Craziness symptoms

When you hear church bells at 11pm on a Thursday night when there are no holidays or mass going on, does it mean you're losing your mind?

Genious discovery, Patent claim

A new way has been discovered in order to know the exact date a picture has been taken!!! See above photo for more info.

P.S. Hot Mint Chocolate and Marshmello in the mug (bought from Starbucks). RECOMMENDED BI OUWWé
P.S. #2 Homer Simpsons appears in photo
P.S. #3 Dexter & Didi appear in photo, toy gotten from Burger King

Para-Rainbow

Child dreams, wishes and fantasies. We grow up dreaming of so many accomplishments, or so many adventures, we grow up watching heroes and hearing Snow-white and sleeping beauty's romantic stories, rainbows and clouds are very similar to marshmellows upon which you can walk and jump and they're concret objects!

And then science comes and explains to you the reality behind clouds and rainbows and the fact that if we try to stand on them, gravity sucks us down... Assures us that super heroes do not really exist, and there is no planet called cryptonite, proves to us that princes do not wake up beautiful dead women by kissing them (and as Krys pointed, if you kiss an ugly frog, no it does not turn into a hot muscular charming 6 packs guy)

What's left for us to do? We indulge and sink in the material world, the dreams change, our principals die. Expensive bling-bling cars, huge yachts and fancy travelling become our dreams, question: do they really make one happy? Can't give you an answer as I am not even categorized in Middle class.

Well I say no way! I still want to be able to fly and save the world, to enjoy slippery rainbows and fly down using my own home-made parachute.

Sucky Weather

So this transitional weather completely sucks, at one point it's hot at another it's windy and cold, which usually causes a conflict of temperature in your body, and thus, either flu or worse, an air hit (in arabic, shab2et hawa). After only 1 week, I missed work because I was sick, I really didn't want to appear as a weak girl, I barely get sick, but, who knows what! Sucky weather in deed.

As I was hallucinating the night before, due to the Air Hit, I had several weird dreams, one involved watching the opposition burn tires, another was me being at a house being robbed by someone with an unloaded gun and me kicking him out, a third one was being stopped by a friend in the middle of the road while driving, in order to give my farewell to supposedly a friend (who I have never seen or known in real life) because she got arrested for singing a "naughty" song (waynik ya Hayfa) and being sentenced to jail for 6 months, and suddenly I run into mom at my aunt's, turns out she was in Lebanon the whole time and not the US, so I was like: "Come sleep over mom like once a week!"

Be vewy vewy quiet.

It's okay, it's alright

So, as my friend Joseph put it, I am counting upwards while last month the countdown was... down obviously. It's been two days already, and I am the new girl. Well there is also another new guy, so we're half half new. I am learning new things, and while yesterday I had maybe a 2% doubt whether quiting my previous job was the right decision or not, after today, the 2% have vanished, I am convinced that it was a good choice.

The thing is I always expect the worst, this way whatever happens, I feel ready for it and barely disappointed, but J pointed out to me that I also never enjoy anything...

It's a habit that is really hard to get rid of, I think people describe it as Pessimism, and apparently I should become more optimistic. Fingers Crossed.

Russia

Did you know that Russia actually exists in Asia and Europe?

Being more of a Math person and astronomy person, History and Geography really didn't intrigue me during school, and I regret not being interested in them back then. I don't think that I was the only one who wasn't interested in materials such as History and Geography, and for many Math wasn't interesting at all, it is because the importance of such knowledge and information are not emphasized and explained. We pass through school as just a phase. History was never a story, it was a text that we needed to recite as it is.

I remember always thinking and telling myself: "If one day I am a surgeon operating on a patient, would I be telling the patient what happened during World War I, would this save their life?" Of course, my question was wrong in principle, because I wouldn't be doing the integral of a function either...

Moral abuse

After coming in to the office today, late, I went in to my colleagues office to greet them, colleagues who became friends, and as soon as I saw my friend, I was 100% sure she didn't have any allergies or sickness, but that she had cried all night.

Even when I know the reason, I still feel helpless, all I have is my words, my cheap words...

How can you tell someone to get out of moral abuse, it is much harder than we think it is, it is not as easy as it sounds, leaving such an issue after dealing with it for years, is life-changing, and a person is too upset with themselves for the mistake they have done, that they keep hoping that maybe it will get better and wash off their mistake... but meanwhile, things would be getting worse, and the person would be drowning deeper, lacking more and more oxygen to swim up and save themselves...

I got stuck in the bathroom for 3 hours

How did YOU spend your Saturday afternoon? Well, on Saturday afternoon, sitting along at home, I decided to go see a friend whom I haven't been speaking with for the past 4 years, and finally water got under the bridge and we decided to meet and catch up. So I told her I will meet her in Starbucks Zalka at 4:15 pm. Then I remembered that my car wasn't with me, and my brother had parked it in Dora, so I needed to go and get it. I told Joe that he will need to give me a lift to my car in 30 minutes or so, moreover he was waiting for my cue so he can come and pick me up.
At 3:35 pm, I thought I would go to the bathroom (you know, better at home than public restrooms), get dressed and leave for my appointment.

I got out of the bathroom at 6:45pm. You're wondering why? Well continue reading then.

I have this reflex for many things I do on a daily basis, and locking the door is one of these things. So when I went in the bathroom, I locked it while on my pc a song for Jimmi Hendrix was playing, "Hey Joe", however, it's screwed up and it keeps making all those khhhhhhhhh, khwaaaaaaaaaaaakh shiiiiiiiiish sounds, you would think it's been inhabited by demons. As it pissed me off so much, I didn't really do anything in the bathroom, decided to get out, turn off the media player then get back in. And tadaaaaaaaaaaa the lock wouldn't open. It got stuck, and not "there is hope to open" stuck, but stuck-stuck!

All those thoughts rushed through my head like "What's wrong with me? Why did I lock the door when I am home alone?", second I thought "Wish I told Joe to pick me up directly and not just wait for my call!", third "If this doesn't open, then they will have to break the front door, because I have it locked from the inside" and concluded "Wow, is this ridiculous or what, breaking two doors to rescue me from my own bathroom because I am too paranoid!"

Of course, the girl I was supposed to meet called me 5 times, however couldn't answer as the mobile was in my room. Then Joe called me almost 20 times, then after 2 hours and a half he finally confirmed that something's definitely wrong!

By the time he got here, I heard him, told him what's happening then he checked with the neighbors and stuff, the neighbors came, broke the front door then the bathroom door and finally I got out.

What did I do during those 3 hours? Well I found one scissors, so I used it to dig a whole around the lock and maybe try and open the door myself, if I had 90 more minutes myself I think I would've succeeded. Anyway I was also surprisingly positive, because I knew Joe would finally notice I was missing, and that I didn't have a migraine orelse the experience would've sucked dramatically!

Dad told me the next day in order to prevent from such things to happen, I will need to store keep food in the bathroom :P

Life is weird

Life is weird, when you want something you don't get it, when you get it, you don't really appreciate it, when you appreciate it, you start wanting something else.

I can't remember the last time I was laughing from my heart or being genuinely happy. Until now, the only times that were really fun were unplanned. Every time something is planned, it is completely and utterly unsurprising, unnatural and fake.

So we wait for those surprising, natural and real moments, and then...? My French literature teacher at school used to always say: "Le bonheur n'est pas dans la possession, le bonheur est de le souvenir".

The only answer I believe is go crazy, act like a complete bonehead, scream and not give a crap of what other people thinkl; go on adventures, without worrying how much you're spending or if you're allowed to take off days at work.

We're such cowards. (by we I mean me, and whoever else wants to join me :P)

P.S. That's me in the picture, maybe 4 years ago in our network staring at the pc like the robot, I still stare this way.

Perhapsi yes perhapsi no

He asked me: "Don't you want to get the answer now?"
I replied: "Well sure, why not!"
He called the other guy, they both sat down, had some laughs on my expenses.
The first said: "You know, it could be a yes or a no."
I laughed, knowing from the first moment, that it is a yes, but still hiding my excitement and smile, I made myself think of death so I stay calm.
After some time of teasing and back & forth questions and answers, they said: "Welcome".

And then I smiled, a very big smile. If I had a chance, I would've said what Homer Simpson says:

"WOOHOO"

OzZi In UL

I decided to pass by my old college and pick up my diploma (yep it's been 5 years and I didn't bring it), I thought it wasn't important and it's only a decorative tool for the wall, turns out it is important.
Of course, the people were gone home by then, so I will have to go again, but I went for a walk to places where we used to hang out... with every step, a memory. I was happy to be there... Finally I remember I am one of those crazy people who write their names everywhere and draw stuff... I searched till I found this.



Oh for the record, my nickname is Ozzi since 8 years or so.

Ze ring Ze revenge

I was taking a picture of myself yesterday with one of Tori Amos' album in order to upload it so I can be part of the big mosaic made of fan pictures, anyway, this is how my picture came out

I am dying in 7 days!!!!

State of Panic

During lunch break, 2 of my colleagues informed me that they are going to ABC mall in Ashrafieh to check the 50% sales. So Yippeeeeee, I went with them. But of course, for those who are not familiar with the Sale in Lebanon, it is usually a slightly more complicated formula. In general a sale is on an Item's price which is X, if it is 30%, the final price F will be:
F = X x (100 - 30) / 100

Now in Lebanon it goes like:
Y = X x (100 + 20) / 100
F = Y x (100 - 30) / 100

Got it? Okay for those who don't like math, first they increase the original price X to Y, then they do a sale on Y and not on X. So eventually the 30% is not really a 30%, it's much less!

Anyway, I went to Aizone, I only go there when I am with my friends and THEY want to buy anything. I don't like paying much for clothes just because they are branded and their quality is not really the best quality in the world. I saw a Coat, leather coat, it is something I might wear, long, beige, so I looked at the price, something I instinctevily do, being poor and stuff. At first I thought it was 386'000 LL, "a bit expensive but maybe worth it", I reflected, but to my surprise (and I almost fainted), there was a 4th Zero, it was actually 3'860'000 LL, which is a bit more than 2'500 US$.

Conclusion: it is actually cheaper to travel to Turkey, get a real leather coat and come back!

Giving up

I recently learned that a lot of students give up on their Thesis. It's kind of good news, as I have been beating myself up for being so late with it. However I don't plan to give it up, although I felt sometimes, that this is one thing I won't be able to do.

What's the secret though? Why most people go all the way, and then drop it all when the Thesis comes? What is this feeling we have? Apparently it's a universal thing.

For one, I spent a good bunch of money which I worked hard earning on it, and second of all, if I give it up, then I will be ... giving up!

Once you give up on one thing, then you will do it on another and another...

The scary thing is that how much a person changes and how much his principles and beliefs change! High school days, university days and even while I was still studying the MS courses, I had one goal in mind, PhD! Now it's no longer my goal.

Once again, we are sucked in the slavery machine of this world with all its judgements and labels and rankings. I refuse this. However I don't like to stop something because I cannot do it, I only stop when I know I can do it but don't find its use anymore. At this point, I have doubts that I can finish my thesis, and this is why I am not stopping. I am not quitting.

I just can't find myself sitting on my pc and working like hell, how have I grown so lazy? I know I was never much of an A student or a study-lover, but I know I had potential and I could deliver when I want to. However seems like there's something wrong with my brains lately. Or could it be my full time job, my boring job, my dead end job, seeing that Computer Science was never really what I wanted to do, and uptill today I don't have a clear idea of what I should've done! Take me back 8 years and I still don't know which major to pick.

At the same time, if I had majored in something else, I would have went crazy if I didn't know how to program and develop a website! Talk about stupid dilemma!

I will stop here, I think if I keep writing I will end up writing a novel which will be worth nothing. Or maybe I could sell it and become rich?

January 24th the most depressing day

And finally, make plans for 24th January!

It is official. January 24th is the most depressing day of the year according to research by Cardiff University. In the aftermath of the festive period, January has long been regarded as the darkest of months as most employees return to work feeling de-motivated and sluggish.

Source: Jobs MSN

Reading those Jobs related articles every now and then is a thrill. Because I get to see that I am not hallucinating and job related depression exists! They usually deal with psychological issues we go through as job people, routine people, 9 to 5 people (although I start at 8:30 am and stay till 6,7,8,9...), boring and bored people.

My job depresses me too. I don't like my job. I don't like my boss. I am going to nag as much as I want, this is my blog! *sighs*

I know that most people feel this way, and I should suck it up. However I am not happy so I am not easily going to be able to "cope with it" or "accept it" or "live with it", because if I do, I will be bidding farewell for any potential dream coming true, and definitely for my creativity.

Every day, my motivation, creativity, hopes and dreams die a little bit. What will I become after a couple of year?
What good am I this way to people I love or potential people I might be able to help?

That Cardiff University is wrong, January 24th is not the most depressing day, today is, and yesterday, and tomorrow!

10 things I need to do in 6 months

1- Fix the engine "chair" of my car (whatever the technical word is)
2- Fix the C/O of my car
3- Get and install the door handle for my car's left door
4- Fix the plate number, as it is just hanging out there
5- Get a new LCD screen for my home pc
6- Finish my thesis thus get my MS degree
7- Do some projects on .Net technology so I can finally learn it
8- Make money somehow O.o
9- Get alarm for my car (so I can lie to myself and pretend it's an Aston Martin)
10- Get a new job