Writing and blogging

Some people are very transparent. Well from those people we can select
the bloggers as transparent folks. But not necessarily. A person who
jokes and is never serious might turn out to be an extremenly deep
person, and a reflexive person to be just plain vain.

People blog for so various reasons. Some are technical blogs, and thus
sharing experience and found solutions. And some blog to report, and
others to vent, and others to nag, and others to document, and others
to get attention and others to express their points of view of things.
Why? In hope to find other bloggers who might agree.

Why don't they express their points of view in real? among real
people? Well, merely because we are not always surrounded by the
brightest people, or maybe simply because we do not want to show our
complete true self to... colleagues who might judge, therefore
impacting your image at work, or uni or wherever.

Why do I blog? Of course I don't mind getting attention, but it's
really not my sole nor main purpose. I blog because it is a truly
unique experience, I do write, secretly, and in other places. But
besides the political/social/Lebanon blog (for obvious reasons), I got
this. I blog random thoughts, silly thoughts, rarely ideas, mostly
naggings, sometimes incidents that happened to me. Why? well it's for
two main reasons:
1- People's comments and their way of viewing things
2- Documenting this part of my life

And finally, why do I write? Besides the evident reason that I express
myself in writing better than speech.. When I was 17, my late best
friend told me, to write. For some reason she believed in me. Yes, I'm
no great writer, I know this very well, I get like a nice metaphor
every 5 thousands words or so... but nothing will ever stand in the
way of me writing.

...

Would you die knowing a secret and not telling it to anyone before you.. die?

Hello Motto

I always heard people say they have a motto in life. I never knew what mine is, tried hard to think of one, but to no avail.

It's been quite some time, maybe a year or so, that I have decided to actually enjoy every moment that I can possibly enjoy. I didn't quite get the hang of it easily, it took time, but it was always an objective of mine. To finally realize that it has become my motto "3an jadara" (well earned)...

"You live once, so fuckin' enjoy it while you can"

Beirut #1 no surprise, I retract what I said before

I once expressed surprise that Beirut was considered #1 place to visit among another 44 of which many for me are amazing places in NYtimes (check here). So today, I would like to retract what I said and definitely cheer and support this vote, because last time I spoke about downtown Beirut, which even if some restaurants closed since Hariri's assassination, opposition sit-in, all the demonstrations taking place there etc, I totally forgot (silly me) that Beirut consists of other amazing regions as well, such as Hamra, Ashrafieh, Rawsheh, Gemmayze, etc...

Hamra is really an amazing place, I can't believe I didn't see this before this recent month. My blogging colleague compared Hamra to Newyork, and had almost the same impression I had about Hamra. When it comes to me, Hamra reminds me of Paris a lot. I loved Paris because it had everything, and crazily enough I had missed seeing that Hamra had everything as well, for 28 years. Pubs, restaurants, cafes, shops and most importantly hotels all inside buildings in which people live, and other buildings where people work, such as centers, banks. Moreover the roads, the streets, the architecture of having old buildings, open and crowded all the time. It's there.

What about Gemmayze? Pubs street par excellence. I will talk thoroughly about the other regions when I'm not too sleepy, and hopefully have pictures to show you.

So yes, I really think Beirut has it all. I am really hoping that the elections go by with no problems, because if they do, I think we will have the best summer in decades.

Edited: I would like to add a link to Hamra's map that I found on Hannibaal's blog. Enjoy.

I gotta fast car

This morning I woke up to a weird dream (like most of my dreams), I suddenly see in front of me La Bastille, but in the dream I couldn't remember the name, I convinced myself it was called Baymen, quelque chose comme ca! I look at my boyfriend while he was driving and told him with surprise that Paris is only a 6 hours drive from Lebanon, and continued that we should do this more often, we can go have dinner for two hours and come back to Lebanon, it's really worth it!

And as I was analyzing in my dream, if you go by land, you won't need a passport or a visa. I was very happy to know that. Then we went to La Seine, there was a ship, that was throwing fun rockets, but one of them did bump into the ceiling of a car. I thought that it's normal, it's their show, people accept it. And I woke up.

From Lilzi to Lilo

I was always Lilo... thus the blog's title changing :)

Kylie - Part VIII

*"You see, I don't mind doing that at all." He looked at her with smiling eyes knowing that she still doesn't understand what he means.

She moved away, walked to the rocks and picked a flat one, sat on it facing the sea and listening to the waves crashing on these rocks hoping that she might find with each wave a letter in a bottle telling her what she should do.*

A lot of times couples find themselves thrown in front of the possibility of a long distance relationship, many couples decide to split before they part. Weird choice of words sequence. Split before they part. Why would people split before they part? What about the other kind of couples, who decide to try and make it work realizing
that's it's extremely hard and needs a lot of work and effort to be put in it, and there is the last type of couples, who think it will be a piece of cake.

Long distance relationships sometimes work, and sometimes it doesn't, and it has nothing to do with what kind of couples they were, or whether they really loved each other or not, or how long they have been together before it all happened, or what each individual is looking for in this distance.

Consequences? It can be break-up, cheating, break-up with cheating, break-up without cheating, immediate marriage, loss of feelings towards each other, development of stronger feelings.

People are scared to realize something due to the long distance relationship, they're scare to realize that they can actually live without their other half, or scared to find out that they cannot live without their other half.

Technically speaking, yes they can. But we're not speaking technically here. We're just talking about a person realizing that life isn't just about careers, success, money and traveling, sometimes life is about being with the person you love. A person wouldn't want to admit that. Does this mean there is really no need to work hard on accomplishing things? On personal development?

This is where math comes in. Math or Informatics, your pick. Both are amazing because both have and are based on logic. Remember the Union? The mutually exclusive Union? In computer words we say OR and XOR!

See, if you're afraid of something, let's say changing your location even though it is for the better of your career, you're scared to make this change, because you're not sure if this is because you might lose the one person you have ever loved and that really made you happy, or because you're just afraid to make a change. If you are afraid to make a change, does this mean you have been delusional and not really in love? And tadaaaa, no, not necessarily, possible, but not essential. This is where the XOR gets thrown out of the window, and OR does its magic. You can be both.

*Dany followed her to the rocks but said nothing. She looked up and she looked down. Kept looking up and down for God knows how long. Then she blurted thinking that she had found a solution with slight confidence though, hoping that maybe if she simplifies things, it can get simple

-"I think we can make it work if you leave, I really do. I will travel and visit you a couple of times a year, you'll do the same. Maybe I will find work there, or possibly find a scholarship and do that thesis I've been rambling about for the past years... We can make it work!" Said Kylie with complete denial, hope, passion and
hopelessness.

Dany lifted his arm, placed his fingers on her lips and shushed her. Even though she had stopped talking, he didn't want her to even have the chance of adding anything to what she had just said. He approached to her, removed his hand and placed both hands on her back, placed his cheek on hers and squeezed like he hasn't seen her for ages.

"I love you! I want to be with you! I know people say that sometimes love is not enough. Probably it's not. We'll work it out. Take a break and come with me, let's take a walk." He asked her and got up.

But she didn't follow. She was crying...*

Gotta get back to work.

Future is history

I am taking a break for a month from worrying and over-thinking about my future.

No, apparently I'm no fool

The big Yanassib paper does cost 10000LL :D while I thought I was taken for a fool here.

Last words

Every story has more than one side to it. Everything has a different point of view. Common mistake people do is assume the negative of things and misinterpret certain inputs that are used later on as hypothesis upon which assumptions are built, assumptions that are not correct, and consequently reach wrong conclusions.

A person can't take this conclusion and have an attitude towards it. Why? Because as Einstein puts it: "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it".

Maybe I am self-centered or maybe it wasn't about me, but in case it was, every person who is or was close to me at a point in time should know how much friendship is sacred for me.

One final thing, no one makes someone become who they are... they just help. I thought I did my part too, helped?

Confessions of a shopaholic

The main reason why I want to see this movie, is because when the dudette's boss catches her red-handed at work and asks her if she opened google to search for something, she answers: "I googled"

Hah... I love her already. I also love google (hire me? I'm an excellent software engineer/technical expert/developer/...)

Angel

A lot of dreams cross my mind. I remember and feel sad about the days I had lost the ability to dream. I didn't regain it all yet, but am working on it. I don't think I have ever been this satisfied and never had such peace within, since I was born maybe. Of course there are those bad days, the beast days (PMS)... but all in all, it is a new phase for me.

I want to document this, so I can return to it in the future.

One of those dreams of mine is going to Tibet. Am not sure what I can do there. Maybe meet a monk. Meditate. Sit alone for days. I want to sit alone for days. I want to eat rice for days. I want to contemplate nature for days and listen to silence. Sure as hell I don't get to listen to silence in New Rawda.

I want to be able to wake up in the early morning, and run.

I want to feel free. I don't want to owe anything to anyone. I feel like I have to though, to my family. It would be selfish of me if I don't.

I want to meet new people from everywhere, hear where they come from. I remember I used to exchange letters with a Moroccan friend, 2 actually, a Jordanian, an American, Algerian, Egyptian, and an Indian :) *can you dalk without mooving yo headd* (a joke of an ex of mine)

Anyway, you meet a lot of people along the way. Some stay, some you meet again and cross occasionally, which is not by coincidence man! and those that leave. And the best of them, of those friends, are the ones... one... who transform to something even more beautiful. I thank my angel for that, wherever you are. Rest in peace.

Colplay in UAE

Oh that does it, first Robbie Wiliams, then KORN then Iron Maiden, Now Andrea Bocelli on 27 March and Coldplay on 28 March? Am seriously pissed. I am very jealous and pissed at my own country. These events should've been happening all in Lebanon. We lost all this musical and cultural opportunities....

Who's next? Tori Amos and Norah Jones? Want me to go nuts?

ARGH!!!

A drink a day increases risk of cancer for women

(I had posh in mind when I wrote this, and every other women I know)

"A glass of wine each evening is enough to increase your risk of developing cancer, women are being warned. The risk goes up the more you drink, whether spirits, wine or beer, the data on over a million women suggests. Overall, alcohol is to blame for about 13% of breast, liver, rectum, mouth and throat cancers, the researchers say. "

Read full article here.

Hmm they sorta drink a lot though, don't they?

Just babbling... (probably a title used before)

Writing
I haven't written in a long time. I mean written, and not typed. Well maybe it's for the better, as I think too fast and my hand can't keep up. I end up making a lot of grammatical and vocabulary mistakes, luckily hidden by my lousy handwriting.

Becoming someone
I remember once I told someone, a virtual nickname back then, remember my name you will hear of it again in the future. I thought I'll be someone. Funny thing is.. I did become someone, didn't everyone? I always had a shaky definition for success. Is it money? Is it high degrees? Is it social rank? Is it a position at work?

My nephew
I love looking at my nephew. I love the fact that I described what his personality is going to be when he was still 5 or 6 months old. And now when he's a 18 months old everyone is coming to agree with me. I also said he's gonna be very tall, he was still a day old. And yes.. he is taller than his age.

Motherhood
I wonder about having a kid of my own one day. Big tummy. Me? Wow. An idea so far from happening, I smile when I think of myself as a mother. I like mothers who fully understand what being a mother is. Sometimes I feel sad for the reason that some women believe it is not something of a big deal and a billion other women has gone through it before. This is the impression I get. But no. Enjoy every moment. It is a beautiful thing. It is. Don't let anyone convince you in taking it for granted.

Blogging
*sigh* I want to be as honest as I can on this stupid blog. I always write something and then I backspace it. Most readers know me in real and I don't trust people in general. Don't be offended. It's just people don't know any better sometimes, they think they're doing you good and then they end up ruining things. No one wants to hurt me that's for sure. 'Coz I have a tazer gun and I'll taze their ass with it if they do.

Existential question
Why the fuck do I blog? Why am I blogger? How did I become one?... I know I know. It's like a bloggy contract, something I get back to and say to myself, this is how you used to think and this is how you looked at things.

Ok you can wake up now and close this window, or tab ...

WH Days

Workaholic days scare me... I scare myself.

Polygamy...

Over time, I found myself falling in love with Eric. Alan certainly wasn't blind to this, so we all got together to discuss it.

The article I have two husbands: A Polygamist's diary is about a woman who ended up married to guy, in love with another guy who is married to another woman, and I didn't get how the 3rd woman fits in the equation, and they all live together!

I do try to keep an open mind in these cases, for me no, but I am pro not following blindly the traditions... So I still am interested in understanding the HOW...

So... How? It's a bit weird. It's hard enough to have two people agree, share finances, share a house, have dreams with, build a family, invest in a life... how about 5 persons? She said it's not about sex, it's about love. Maybe that's friendship? I don't know.. Am a bit puzzled. Thoughts?

Zorb globe

Euuuhhh, that seems like fun!

Irony or Foolishness

I'm not sure if this is ironic or just foolish of me. Hear this. Yesterday, I was parking my car so I can go to my spanish course. A little boy comes up to me and tries to sell me Yanassib. I usually don't buy lottery or yanassib. But I always tend to converse with these people and try to know more about them. Although he was the one to open a discussion. Telling me, after I immediately refused to buy one, that all this money is going for his learning. Inspector gadget of me, I investigated with him, and asked him what he's learning, 2 minutes later I was able to come to the conclusion that he's not going to school, and me acting like a smart ass, I finally told him that I will buy it, but I know he's not getting any education, and that I really wish he does get an education one day. I gave him a 5000LL, he told me, this costs 10000LL, so I said, ok give me half of it, he gave
me a said face, I insisted. And then I left all proud of myself that I was sorta able to say No.

Hmmm, you do know that the whole Yanassib paper costs 5000LL and not 10000LL? Ok the uneducated him knows it, but I didn't. So I feel like a fool right now. But am sure gonna search for him on Monday and taze him with my gun! Ok for sure I won't, I am too fucking peaceful... I will just look for him and preach him a bit.. bleh...

Count to 10 000

I don't know why I always have this urge, this need, to prove to
delusional persons that they're delusional. I know the whole equation
doesn't sum up. They're delusional? How can they listen to logic
anyway. What pisses me off the most is me wanting to show how
delusional those people are in front of others, not all the time, but
only when this delusional person starts getting on my nerves and
starts bugging other people including myself. Do we shut up? Do we
stay quiet and not show this person where he's going wrong? Especially
when some fools congratulate them? Argh! I am so mad.

Breathe in... breathe out... count to 10 000... might actually calm down.