Invest?

There is this passage in the bible (don't remember it exactly, but only the moral), about a man giving 3 people money and who came back after a year to see that one spent it all, one hid it and one invested with it.

I remember I thought when I was young, that the one who hid the money, and kept it as it is was the one to be rewarded by his master, because he did not risk losing it, so he can return it in full. To my surprise, it was the one who invested with the money, that had actually done it right. I hadn't understood it for years, I insisted that it was the one who hid it, that should've been the right choice.

But now and for this I think, does anyone know if I want to invest, where should I start?

I know am messed up, do you?

Ahhh the beauty of messy-ups! The various, the creative, the horrible messed-up some persons can be.

I know I am, do you?

Same as there are the semestrial exams at schools, and the midterms and finals in universities and such, I have my own... trimestrial or monthly (it depends) test, verification, examination, check-up, whatever you want to call it.

And I love it, it's a long process, always accompanied with depression, anger, frustration, tension, pressure, rudeness, self-consciousness, insecurity, vulnerability, susceptibility, concentration and lack of concentration, confusion... nevertheless and never failed me till now, it always ends with inspiration, clarity, assurity and confidence.

It doesn't last long, before the next exam is due. But am bound to graduate some time, right?

So long suckerzzzzzzzz!

Wish I can be as cool as this guy

So much for being inspired and motivated, I can't ever write a decent post. For me, it's important. Not because I want to show off my writing skills, because I humbly say, I am not a good writer. By good writer I mean, those people who use words that no one understands, metaphors that only waste time for someone to finally comprehend them. Nevertheless, if everything in life is straight forward, then it would be as boring as hell.

Anyway, losing my temper quickly is something I have tried to overcome over the past years. I can't deny that I have become much better at controling my temper. moreover I am less emotional than I used to. Although there is one thing I was not able to get rid of, and that is moodiness.

Moodiness in my opinion is for the weak and susceptible. I, on the other hand, like to think that I am strong and in control. However, some people just know how to get on my nerves, and they're usually close people.

Mathematically speaking, I can eliminate the close people, by implication the problem. Or psychologically blablaicly speaking, I can try to look inside myself, listen in depth to my thoughts and feelings and see what is really bothering me, and begin healing myself starting that point.

Freakin duh, I know what's wrong and there is nothing I can do about it at this moment! Let me give you a slight preview, which many will most probably refer to as nagging.

Buying a house <-- Needing money <-- Making money <-- Job itself gets nowhere, therefore need to find a bright idea or make business of my own <-- No capital to start <-- Find an investor <-- You're in Lebanon <-- Stop giving excuses <-- Okay fine, I will do a business plan and run it by investors <-- Okay fine, now pick the good idea <-- I have none, all the ones I have are when I am sleeping, then I wake up and forget them <-- Idiot <-- Thank you! like you're not, you're my brain and I use you to think, so you're the idiot <-- Fine whatever, live in the moment <-- I am and it sucks!!!

Ok enough, now you guys know a bit of how my brain and I function!

My new list

Okay this list is not a TO-DO list in 6 months, it's more of a long term thing, so here it is:

- Learn how to ride a Motorbike
- Go to Paris
- Go to Newyork
- Drift a car (Tokyo drift style)
- Learn basic electricity and mechanics of cars
- Have body like Jessica Biel
- Learn Spanish (yo quiero ir a la casa)
- Study for a new degree (either in Math or Psychology, whatcha think?)

Anta Akhi - Christmas Package

Chers amis,

Cette année aussi, Anta Akhi offre un joli paquet à l'approche de Noël.
10 Cartes dessinées par nos jeunes atteints de handicap,
avec un sac de chocolat produit par le SeSoBEL..
Le tout à 20.000 LL livré chez vous!

Merci de diffuser cet email à vos amis et connaissances
pour nous aider à atteindre un plus grand nombre de personnes!

Votre aide est très précieuse!

Au nom de nos jeunes: MERCI MERCI MERCI!

Chantal

Pour vos commandes:
Anta Akhi: 04.408890 ou 04.415365
Email: antaakhi@yahoo.com

Talking about happiness

Coco suggested that I write about happiness instead of fears. I know that she thought I was depressed or bothered when I wrote about my fears, but I really wasn't. I felt like, once you admit what you're afraid of, you can at least challenge it or realise it and maybe get over it.

As for happines, here's a mind breaker, I don't think it exists in general. We have been brought up to think that money does not bring happiness. However, I have lived all my life in the middle class (in a very struggling middle class, not the rich middle class), and the only thing that I can say is, Money does not NOT bring happiness, because I wouldn't know. For many, happiness is the lack of sadness, and maybe its the same with me.

You see life is nothing but a series of moments, and if you're happy this moment, then you're happy all your life.
Like when I was a kid, I used to tell myself, why is holding your breath that hard, every second just say I want to hold it for another second? But of course, it's not that simple, and being happy is not that simple either.

In my opinion, people lie to themselves all the time, they live in denial and suppressed memories. But not to sound so gloomy, I do experience happy moments in my life. Which ones? well here's a list:

1- ..

(wow writing a happy list is much harder than the fears list... wait I still didn't give up)

1- ..

(a minute passed and still nothing)

1- Having a great conversation with someone (no one in specific, just anyone, a friend, a relative, a stranger, a colleague), like a deep conversation
2- Learning about something after knowing about for so long but never knowing how it works
3- Helping someone without knowing (but of course learning about it after some time)
4- Realising each day that maybe we do have a lot of family problems, but as long as they are all alive and healthy, I am happy
5- Seeing my nephew after some time, and now another nephew was born 2 weeks ago, so double happiness
6- How some friends sometimes do the nicest small things just to show support and agreement
7- How some friends understand you when you go cou-cou
8- Receiving a gift without expecting it, even if it's a useless gift, but you know, those gifts which show that someone was thinking about you at some point
9- Eating something delicious after craving it for some time
10- Music

Wow, I did it :), thanks coco. There is a lot of stuff out there you can be happy about, you just need to know what to focus on more I guess.

My first optimistic post. Injez.

Talking about fears

Inspired by NT who was inspired by MMMMMMMMM, I decided to talk about my fears too.

I am afraid of worms.
I am afraid of getting old.
I am afraid of losing someone I love so much, thus I try not to love as hard as I can.
I am afraid of losing my memory.
I am afraid of being thought of as less intelligent than I think of myself.
I am afraid of never finding happiness.
I am afraid of never accomplishing anything.
I am afraid of going to the bank.
I am afraid of doing any kind of paperwork needed to be processed, waiting in line and stuff.
I am afraid of dying.

Oké bi kaffé la lyom!

P.S. As a matter of fact it was poshlemon who inspired NT in the first place concerning writing about own's fears. So thanks Posh

- I am also afraid of flying (planes)

What? Who? Where?

This morning, just when I got to work, a colleague of mine said:
- "Liliane, didn't you forget something?"
I replied:
- "What? Hein?" thinking that, how would he know if I forgot something.
He said with a sort of a shocked face:
- "Layke Saideh?" (Saideh is a colleague of ours at work)
So this is when I slapped myself silly and was like : "OH SHIT!"

Yep, ladies and gentlemen, I forgot to pick up a whole person, no, I didn't forget my cellphone, or my keychain, or my food, nop I forgot a whole person!

Hurray to my super memory, it needs a medal.

BLEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. Don't worry, I went back and picked her up.

Should raising a child be licensed?

Think about it, things like driving a car, teaching, fixing cars, etc... need to be licensed or the person is not entitled to apply them. How about raising? Are all human beings good enough to raise children? Is this not the reason behind having psychos and liars and criminals? Isn't it because of their parents?

When did I stop listening?

You know in life, you go through phases. Sometimes you know it all. Sometimes you're asking a lot of questions. Sometimes you're just arguing for the sake of arguing. And sometimes, you argue because you do know more. Sometimes you listen, and you ponder upon what you heard, so you learn. Sometimes, you stop listening and you start talking, and teaching or preaching?!
So it's been some time I haven't done the listening part. And, let's just say, I felt like my IQ is decreasing. I hate how I have to spend most of my time at work. I feel like, even though I do learn and get experience, however I really want to know about other things, and not just programming and databases and technology information!
I want to know why we itch. I want to know how cars work. I want to know how is moodiness related to our body. I want to travel. I want to believe again. I want to be interesting again. I want to help others. I want to make a difference. And I definitely don't want to die. Well, not before a 150 years or so!

I don't get it!

You know those scenes in movies when someone chokes in a restaurant, did you notice how frequently they happen? almost in every movie? However, did it ever happen in front of you in real life?
Hmmm, liars!

Sheep or Sheep or Sheep or Wolf?

There are four categories of individuals in this world. There are those who are of type Sheep A, the second category are Sheep B, the third is Sheep C and the last type is Wolf.

What is the difference between the sheeps A, B and C
Sheep A is in the lowest level of the pyramid. Sheep A actually is a sheep who follows sheeps. In consquence, Sheep A is extremely stupid, does what its told, and think that by following Sheep B, he/she is actually doing something smart. Only because, if he follows no one, he feels bewildered, lost, insecure and vulnerable. He/she cannot make it on its own.
Now Sheep B is of a higher authority than Sheep A, as he is a leader on one hand and a follower on the other hand. He is malicious and evil! He follows because he needs a lot of money in order to preserve a life of pleasure and power over the smaller sheep. He leads, because the higher power cannot directly lead as they will become a direct target.
Sheep C, is the sheep that rebels, says no, thinks, defies, wonders, demands, and speaks. Sheep C unfortunately is also a sheep. Because even though he doesn't follow, he sure as hell doesn't lead as well. So he's back to the sheep category.

Last but not least, it's type Wolf. Wolf is on top of the pyramid. Wolf has a low-profile. Wolf is never ever attainable.

Which category are you?

Man shou hayda?

Sometimes, I stop for a second and take a look at the world around me, I can't help but think how ridiculous the human being is. We built shelter, microwaves, cars, cellphones, shoes (fashionable shoes, I mean would you wear last season's? yiiihhh yaaah!!), selling flowers, baygone to kill insects, oh and now that's funny, paying to go to the beach (you own? you own earth? WTF), headphones? ... We're like so busy with our lives, going to work every day, having politics and political shit, and wars, and concerts, and pop starts, CDs, competitions, reality TV!

Then again I think, that's not ridiculous, that's one hell of an amazing adaptation! ekhwet shliteh man!

Decision? What decision?

Does it happen to you, when you have a decision, a choice to make about a certain issue, which for one, you don't feel like thinking about, and two, it's one of those days, when your IQ is actually divided by 10, and it's so damn hard to see the pros and cons of things, anyway after you squeeze the juice out of your head and make a decision, you get busy with something else, and then you come back to the issue in question and forget what your decision was, and then you do the whole process again? And the funny thing, you reach a different decision. Finally it all comes down to: "Ini mini sini, chocolata ......"

Go with the flow, Go not with the flow

You know how a lot of times we hear people telling us to just go with the flow. However this is complete absurdity and dream-killing. What if the right path for you is not the flow, what if you are bound to stay alert and when you just see the beginning of the path you have to wave goodbye to the flow and just be where it is right for you to go.

Craziness symptoms

When you hear church bells at 11pm on a Thursday night when there are no holidays or mass going on, does it mean you're losing your mind?

Genious discovery, Patent claim

A new way has been discovered in order to know the exact date a picture has been taken!!! See above photo for more info.

P.S. Hot Mint Chocolate and Marshmello in the mug (bought from Starbucks). RECOMMENDED BI OUWWé
P.S. #2 Homer Simpsons appears in photo
P.S. #3 Dexter & Didi appear in photo, toy gotten from Burger King

Para-Rainbow

Child dreams, wishes and fantasies. We grow up dreaming of so many accomplishments, or so many adventures, we grow up watching heroes and hearing Snow-white and sleeping beauty's romantic stories, rainbows and clouds are very similar to marshmellows upon which you can walk and jump and they're concret objects!

And then science comes and explains to you the reality behind clouds and rainbows and the fact that if we try to stand on them, gravity sucks us down... Assures us that super heroes do not really exist, and there is no planet called cryptonite, proves to us that princes do not wake up beautiful dead women by kissing them (and as Krys pointed, if you kiss an ugly frog, no it does not turn into a hot muscular charming 6 packs guy)

What's left for us to do? We indulge and sink in the material world, the dreams change, our principals die. Expensive bling-bling cars, huge yachts and fancy travelling become our dreams, question: do they really make one happy? Can't give you an answer as I am not even categorized in Middle class.

Well I say no way! I still want to be able to fly and save the world, to enjoy slippery rainbows and fly down using my own home-made parachute.

Sucky Weather

So this transitional weather completely sucks, at one point it's hot at another it's windy and cold, which usually causes a conflict of temperature in your body, and thus, either flu or worse, an air hit (in arabic, shab2et hawa). After only 1 week, I missed work because I was sick, I really didn't want to appear as a weak girl, I barely get sick, but, who knows what! Sucky weather in deed.

As I was hallucinating the night before, due to the Air Hit, I had several weird dreams, one involved watching the opposition burn tires, another was me being at a house being robbed by someone with an unloaded gun and me kicking him out, a third one was being stopped by a friend in the middle of the road while driving, in order to give my farewell to supposedly a friend (who I have never seen or known in real life) because she got arrested for singing a "naughty" song (waynik ya Hayfa) and being sentenced to jail for 6 months, and suddenly I run into mom at my aunt's, turns out she was in Lebanon the whole time and not the US, so I was like: "Come sleep over mom like once a week!"

Be vewy vewy quiet.

It's okay, it's alright

So, as my friend Joseph put it, I am counting upwards while last month the countdown was... down obviously. It's been two days already, and I am the new girl. Well there is also another new guy, so we're half half new. I am learning new things, and while yesterday I had maybe a 2% doubt whether quiting my previous job was the right decision or not, after today, the 2% have vanished, I am convinced that it was a good choice.

The thing is I always expect the worst, this way whatever happens, I feel ready for it and barely disappointed, but J pointed out to me that I also never enjoy anything...

It's a habit that is really hard to get rid of, I think people describe it as Pessimism, and apparently I should become more optimistic. Fingers Crossed.