Friday, May 07, 2010

Women from Vanity Fair and Men from Sports Illustrator

Differences and Compromises
True, men and women want different things, as much as they compromise, they're different. I see couples around me all the time, and I am not sure what's healthy and what isn't. Compromise for me, is not so bad when it's like 20%. But when you compromise more than that, you're basically losing your identity and what makes you who you are.

Although Mr. Sadhguru from Isha said that we shouldn't identify ourselves with anything because it will limit us from becoming who we will be, but that's a whole other story I will tell you about later and my experience in attending Mystic-eye.

Back to our main subject, individuals in Lebanon are losing their identity because most are not choosing the right partner.

Choosing the right partner, bettering yourself
Why am I bickering on this? It’s for the mere fact that when you choose the right partner, you indicatively improve yourself, your being. And I would like to see more people improved and happy.

Individuality vs Being in a couple
True, being happy is not dependent on others, some things have to be attained by just being on your own, but in my honest opinion, I think that what’s life and accomplishments and success if you have no one to share it with and for them to admire you for?

Our society "wrong for each other"
Do you agree that many Lebanese couples are just not right for each other? I know many of you will tell me I am judging without really knowing them, but I am talking about close couples who are around me, about the body language, how they treat and talk to each other, some have only been married for 2 years, some have been going out for years since they were young (noting that they both changed, but they don’t know how to let go anymore), some recently met, some been for 10 years...

Relationship is overrated and a myth. What about monogamy?
Why am I looking at them? Because I want to find a couple that has been together for more than a decade and still has that spark. Let’s not point out the respect thing, this is the least that should be in a relationship. If you don't have that from the beginning, then you're screwed. I want to see whether we have been brought up to believe in a form of a relationship that is a myth, and whether relationships are over-rated, and people should just face the fact that monogamy is not the “thing”.


Painting by Salvador Dali - Chalice of Love

Now Playing, which suits this post: Ziad Rahbany's "Bala Wala Chi"


  1. I agree with your post, people are in couples because they are bored being alone that's it and because of they have to unfortunately! we can be happy and single

  2. I've always wondered about this, and I find it terrifying. When do married couple stop being two people who are spending their life together because they're in love and (if they're lucky) are passionate for each other, and start being merely two people used to each others' presence? Does it take effort to keep that spark, or does it come naturally if it's a right fit from the beginning?
    I would assume the ideal case is that it would come naturally, but that's too irrealistic.
    There are too many couples wrong for each other, and the only people who do not see it are themselves.

    That's my rant for the day.

  3. I totally agree with you, on the part that most couples aren't right for each others, and i think it's due to several things:
    - or the girl wants 2 get married,so she hangs on with any1 she meets.
    - or as u sad they've been together since adolescence!!
    - or because the girl is doing "nkeye" with the guy she really loves
    - or all they're really being materialistic

    but also i'm adding a very imp. issue, that everything is getting really expensive in Lebanon...which is causing more & more problems between couples!!

  4. what? i don't agree with this post nor with its comments.

    9 yrs ago, before getting married, someone asked me: "do you really love her, or you just got used of being with her?"

    back then i didn't know the answer, i replied: "i just can't live without her"

    now i still don't know the answer, but i am totally convinced of my past answer, and that to me is Love in its utmost perfect figure.

    not every relation is love
    not every love ends with marriage
    not every marriage last for ever

    and here's another fact
    many of the marriages are worth living for. just search for yours no matter how much time it will take.

  5. Relationships are a messy business. Many are unhealthy but some are obviously good.
    It's quite interesting the way you approached every aspect. I strongly agree with your opinions on compromising and respect, bettering onself is a sign of a healthy relationship.
    Regarding having someone to share one's success and accomplishments with, it's not necessary for it to be a partner, friends and family can fill in here.
    Monogamy depends on each individual, we have the commitmentphobes and the overly jealous; obviously, they don't mesh. But in my opinion it all comes down to maturity, how much one knows oneself, how one can differentiate between love, lust, comfort and happily ever after. When we know our feelings and can judge things objectively regardless of how we want things to be.
    I read this quote today, and it's very true: "When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part" -George Bernard Shaw
    When people jump into marriage, it's just bound to fail. But that doesn't mean that monogamy is not the answer, but it does mean that patience and maturity are a must.

  6. Let s face it, there is the dream world and then there is the real world.In dream world we say i will not compromise more than 20%, i will not accept this or that, i only want .... BUT in the real world, it s a bit different cos you are two people involved with all their differences and complexities, with their good habits and bad habits and we are all annoying in something, right? then it starts to become different once there is a family and you realize it s the best thing to have. That spark, it is up to you to keep it or let go of it.Just like a woman who is aging, she is growing all-right but she can just sag or she can do it with grace.i definitely think you should choose carefully, and after that you just have to keep your faith and put your heart in it.not every day is easy and not every day is a total mess.

  7. Liliane...

    Monogamy is definitely a lot of hard work.

  8. Oh and, dakhil rabbo la Ziad!

  9. liliane,
    Everything is relative. Probabilities of success are not bad, it's worth taking a chance when you know what you're doing and what you want from it. That's what I think.

    lol, you're home sick.

  10. Everyone, loved your comments and the different point of views and opinions each has a given, I gave you some food for thought you gave me more. so thank you.

    PL I loved the simple sentence which in my opinion sums it up.

    My post is not totally my opinion, its more of questions which echos I hear around me and wanted to see what people think about.

    Hope is still existent. I know problems are everywhere, it has to do with not being honest with oneself and knowing what they want, but also few good relationships exist, I just hope most of us work on bettering them in a way or another.

  11. I think it is because all around the world, and especially in Lebanon..people have been bred to value the wrong things...when really, a relationship will not work if there is not first a foundation of mutual love and respect..

    I was just telling someone today, that it seems like in Lebanon, love is the last thing that is taken into consideration..I believe you and I had this talk some time seems like the more important things are religion, status, finances..which are all important to a degree..but what does this matter when you have to both sleep and wake up next to the same person for the rest of your life?

    Why do we complicate things sooo much?