Wednesday, October 31, 2007

My new list

Okay this list is not a TO-DO list in 6 months, it's more of a long term thing, so here it is:

- Learn how to ride a Motorbike
- Go to Paris
- Go to Newyork
- Drift a car (Tokyo drift style)
- Learn basic electricity and mechanics of cars
- Have body like Jessica Biel
- Learn Spanish (yo quiero ir a la casa)
- Study for a new degree (either in Math or Psychology, whatcha think?)

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Anta Akhi - Christmas Package

Chers amis,

Cette année aussi, Anta Akhi offre un joli paquet à l'approche de Noël.
10 Cartes dessinées par nos jeunes atteints de handicap,
avec un sac de chocolat produit par le SeSoBEL..

Le tout à 20.000 LL livré chez vous!

Merci de diffuser cet email à vos amis et connaissances
pour nous aider à atteindre un plus grand nombre de personnes!

Votre aide est très précieuse!

Au nom de nos jeunes: MERCI MERCI MERCI!


Pour vos commandes:
Anta Akhi: 04.408890 ou 04.415365

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Talking about happiness

Coco suggested that I write about happiness instead of fears. I know that she thought I was depressed or bothered when I wrote about my fears, but I really wasn't. I felt like, once you admit what you're afraid of, you can at least challenge it or realise it and maybe get over it.

As for happines, here's a mind breaker, I don't think it exists in general. We have been brought up to think that money does not bring happiness. However, I have lived all my life in the middle class (in a very struggling middle class, not the rich middle class), and the only thing that I can say is, Money does not NOT bring happiness, because I wouldn't know. For many, happiness is the lack of sadness, and maybe its the same with me.

You see life is nothing but a series of moments, and if you're happy this moment, then you're happy all your life.
Like when I was a kid, I used to tell myself, why is holding your breath that hard, every second just say I want to hold it for another second? But of course, it's not that simple, and being happy is not that simple either.

In my opinion, people lie to themselves all the time, they live in denial and suppressed memories. But not to sound so gloomy, I do experience happy moments in my life. Which ones? well here's a list:

1- ..

(wow writing a happy list is much harder than the fears list... wait I still didn't give up)

1- ..

(a minute passed and still nothing)

1- Having a great conversation with someone (no one in specific, just anyone, a friend, a relative, a stranger, a colleague), like a deep conversation
2- Learning about something after knowing about for so long but never knowing how it works
3- Helping someone without knowing (but of course learning about it after some time)
4- Realising each day that maybe we do have a lot of family problems, but as long as they are all alive and healthy, I am happy
5- Seeing my nephew after some time, and now another nephew was born 2 weeks ago, so double happiness
6- How some friends sometimes do the nicest small things just to show support and agreement
7- How some friends understand you when you go cou-cou
8- Receiving a gift without expecting it, even if it's a useless gift, but you know, those gifts which show that someone was thinking about you at some point
9- Eating something delicious after craving it for some time
10- Music

Wow, I did it :), thanks coco. There is a lot of stuff out there you can be happy about, you just need to know what to focus on more I guess.

My first optimistic post. Injez.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Talking about fears

Inspired by NT who was inspired by MMMMMMMMM, I decided to talk about my fears too.

I am afraid of worms.
I am afraid of getting old.
I am afraid of losing someone I love so much, thus I try not to love as hard as I can.
I am afraid of losing my memory.
I am afraid of being thought of as less intelligent than I think of myself.
I am afraid of never finding happiness.
I am afraid of never accomplishing anything.
I am afraid of going to the bank.
I am afraid of doing any kind of paperwork needed to be processed, waiting in line and stuff.
I am afraid of dying.

Oké bi kaffé la lyom!

P.S. As a matter of fact it was poshlemon who inspired NT in the first place concerning writing about own's fears. So thanks Posh

- I am also afraid of flying (planes)

Thursday, September 13, 2007

What? Who? Where?

This morning, just when I got to work, a colleague of mine said:
- "Liliane, didn't you forget something?"
I replied:
- "What? Hein?" thinking that, how would he know if I forgot something.
He said with a sort of a shocked face:
- "Layke Saideh?" (Saideh is a colleague of ours at work)
So this is when I slapped myself silly and was like : "OH SHIT!"

Yep, ladies and gentlemen, I forgot to pick up a whole person, no, I didn't forget my cellphone, or my keychain, or my food, nop I forgot a whole person!

Hurray to my super memory, it needs a medal.


p.s. Don't worry, I went back and picked her up.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Should raising a child be licensed?

Think about it, things like driving a car, teaching, fixing cars, etc... need to be licensed or the person is not entitled to apply them. How about raising? Are all human beings good enough to raise children? Is this not the reason behind having psychos and liars and criminals? Isn't it because of their parents?

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

When did I stop listening?

You know in life, you go through phases. Sometimes you know it all. Sometimes you're asking a lot of questions. Sometimes you're just arguing for the sake of arguing. And sometimes, you argue because you do know more. Sometimes you listen, and you ponder upon what you heard, so you learn. Sometimes, you stop listening and you start talking, and teaching or preaching?!
So it's been some time I haven't done the listening part. And, let's just say, I felt like my IQ is decreasing. I hate how I have to spend most of my time at work. I feel like, even though I do learn and get experience, however I really want to know about other things, and not just programming and databases and technology information!
I want to know why we itch. I want to know how cars work. I want to know how is moodiness related to our body. I want to travel. I want to believe again. I want to be interesting again. I want to help others. I want to make a difference. And I definitely don't want to die. Well, not before a 150 years or so!

Sunday, July 08, 2007

I don't get it!

You know those scenes in movies when someone chokes in a restaurant, did you notice how frequently they happen? almost in every movie? However, did it ever happen in front of you in real life?
Hmmm, liars!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Sheep or Sheep or Sheep or Wolf?

There are four categories of individuals in this world. There are those who are of type Sheep A, the second category are Sheep B, the third is Sheep C and the last type is Wolf.

What is the difference between the sheeps A, B and C
Sheep A is in the lowest level of the pyramid. Sheep A actually is a sheep who follows sheeps. In consquence, Sheep A is extremely stupid, does what its told, and think that by following Sheep B, he/she is actually doing something smart. Only because, if he follows no one, he feels bewildered, lost, insecure and vulnerable. He/she cannot make it on its own.
Now Sheep B is of a higher authority than Sheep A, as he is a leader on one hand and a follower on the other hand. He is malicious and evil! He follows because he needs a lot of money in order to preserve a life of pleasure and power over the smaller sheep. He leads, because the higher power cannot directly lead as they will become a direct target.
Sheep C, is the sheep that rebels, says no, thinks, defies, wonders, demands, and speaks. Sheep C unfortunately is also a sheep. Because even though he doesn't follow, he sure as hell doesn't lead as well. So he's back to the sheep category.

Last but not least, it's type Wolf. Wolf is on top of the pyramid. Wolf has a low-profile. Wolf is never ever attainable.

Which category are you?

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Man shou hayda?

Sometimes, I stop for a second and take a look at the world around me, I can't help but think how ridiculous the human being is. We built shelter, microwaves, cars, cellphones, shoes (fashionable shoes, I mean would you wear last season's? yiiihhh yaaah!!), selling flowers, baygone to kill insects, oh and now that's funny, paying to go to the beach (you own? you own earth? WTF), headphones? ... We're like so busy with our lives, going to work every day, having politics and political shit, and wars, and concerts, and pop starts, CDs, competitions, reality TV!

Then again I think, that's not ridiculous, that's one hell of an amazing adaptation! ekhwet shliteh man!

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Decision? What decision?

Does it happen to you, when you have a decision, a choice to make about a certain issue, which for one, you don't feel like thinking about, and two, it's one of those days, when your IQ is actually divided by 10, and it's so damn hard to see the pros and cons of things, anyway after you squeeze the juice out of your head and make a decision, you get busy with something else, and then you come back to the issue in question and forget what your decision was, and then you do the whole process again? And the funny thing, you reach a different decision. Finally it all comes down to: "Ini mini sini, chocolata ......"

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Go with the flow, Go not with the flow

You know how a lot of times we hear people telling us to just go with the flow. However this is complete absurdity and dream-killing. What if the right path for you is not the flow, what if you are bound to stay alert and when you just see the beginning of the path you have to wave goodbye to the flow and just be where it is right for you to go.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Craziness symptoms

When you hear church bells at 11pm on a Thursday night when there are no holidays or mass going on, does it mean you're losing your mind?

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Genious discovery, Patent claim

A new way has been discovered in order to know the exact date a picture has been taken!!! See above photo for more info.

P.S. Hot Mint Chocolate and Marshmello in the mug (bought from Starbucks). RECOMMENDED BI OUWWé
P.S. #2 Homer Simpsons appears in photo
P.S. #3 Dexter & Didi appear in photo, toy gotten from Burger King


Child dreams, wishes and fantasies. We grow up dreaming of so many accomplishments, or so many adventures, we grow up watching heroes and hearing Snow-white and sleeping beauty's romantic stories, rainbows and clouds are very similar to marshmellows upon which you can walk and jump and they're concret objects!

And then science comes and explains to you the reality behind clouds and rainbows and the fact that if we try to stand on them, gravity sucks us down... Assures us that super heroes do not really exist, and there is no planet called cryptonite, proves to us that princes do not wake up beautiful dead women by kissing them (and as Krys pointed, if you kiss an ugly frog, no it does not turn into a hot muscular charming 6 packs guy)

What's left for us to do? We indulge and sink in the material world, the dreams change, our principals die. Expensive bling-bling cars, huge yachts and fancy travelling become our dreams, question: do they really make one happy? Can't give you an answer as I am not even categorized in Middle class.

Well I say no way! I still want to be able to fly and save the world, to enjoy slippery rainbows and fly down using my own home-made parachute.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Sucky Weather

So this transitional weather completely sucks, at one point it's hot at another it's windy and cold, which usually causes a conflict of temperature in your body, and thus, either flu or worse, an air hit (in arabic, shab2et hawa). After only 1 week, I missed work because I was sick, I really didn't want to appear as a weak girl, I barely get sick, but, who knows what! Sucky weather in deed.

As I was hallucinating the night before, due to the Air Hit, I had several weird dreams, one involved watching the opposition burn tires, another was me being at a house being robbed by someone with an unloaded gun and me kicking him out, a third one was being stopped by a friend in the middle of the road while driving, in order to give my farewell to supposedly a friend (who I have never seen or known in real life) because she got arrested for singing a "naughty" song (waynik ya Hayfa) and being sentenced to jail for 6 months, and suddenly I run into mom at my aunt's, turns out she was in Lebanon the whole time and not the US, so I was like: "Come sleep over mom like once a week!"

Be vewy vewy quiet.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

It's okay, it's alright

So, as my friend Joseph put it, I am counting upwards while last month the countdown was... down obviously. It's been two days already, and I am the new girl. Well there is also another new guy, so we're half half new. I am learning new things, and while yesterday I had maybe a 2% doubt whether quiting my previous job was the right decision or not, after today, the 2% have vanished, I am convinced that it was a good choice.

The thing is I always expect the worst, this way whatever happens, I feel ready for it and barely disappointed, but J pointed out to me that I also never enjoy anything...

It's a habit that is really hard to get rid of, I think people describe it as Pessimism, and apparently I should become more optimistic. Fingers Crossed.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Stop Global Warming - i`m making a difference

For all Live Messenger users, I guess you have noticed that some of the users are displaying the i'm icon in their nicknames. You can see different codes, such as *help, * naf, *unicef, *komen, etc... There are several organizations you can support.

To join, you can visit this link here, and you will need Windows Live Messenger v. 8.1.

I am currently showing support to the "Stop Global Warming" Organization, I hope more bloggers will post about this, so more people can add the icon to their nickname, and the following will happen.

i’m is a new initiative from Windows Live™ Messenger. Every time you start a conversation using i’m, Microsoft shares a portion of the program's advertising revenue with some of the world's most effective organizations dedicated to social causes. We've set no cap on the amount we'll donate to each organization. The sky's the limit.
Let's make a difference.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Taboo subjects

There actually still exists a lot of taboo subjects in Lebanon, in some places more than others however in general, they are present.

First topic - Homosexuality:

Homosexual persons are still struggling to come out, many living a lie in order to succumb and be in form with the society's standards and judgmental members.

Second topic - Sex

Pre-marital sex in specific, and virgins, those who where, those who weren't yet had a "certain" operation to return to being a virgin in worry of the wedding night and being exposed as non-virgins, and those who are not and labelled by many as "bad" girls. Focussing on girls, because guys don't really have this problem, they have another, and I will share my theory with you next time.

Third topic - AIDS

HIV Positive does not only scare a person because this means they are no longer healthy and death awaits in years, it is because they worry of what their parents will say and how they will react. They are scared that they will be labelled. Immediately the term HIV positive labels a man as gay, whether he is or he isn't, it is not the issue, the issue is, some people believe "he deserves it" or "she deserves it".

To be elaborated more about in the future, for now, if anyone has any experience or story or opinion to share, please do, I am looking forward to hear your words.


Did you know that Russia actually exists in Asia and Europe?

Being more of a Math person and astronomy person, History and Geography really didn't intrigue me during school, and I regret not being interested in them back then. I don't think that I was the only one who wasn't interested in materials such as History and Geography, and for many Math wasn't interesting at all, it is because the importance of such knowledge and information are not emphasized and explained. We pass through school as just a phase. History was never a story, it was a text that we needed to recite as it is.

I remember always thinking and telling myself: "If one day I am a surgeon operating on a patient, would I be telling the patient what happened during World War I, would this save their life?" Of course, my question was wrong in principle, because I wouldn't be doing the integral of a function either...

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Moral abuse

After coming in to the office today, late, I went in to my colleagues office to greet them, colleagues who became friends, and as soon as I saw my friend, I was 100% sure she didn't have any allergies or sickness, but that she had cried all night.

Even when I know the reason, I still feel helpless, all I have is my words, my cheap words...

How can you tell someone to get out of moral abuse, it is much harder than we think it is, it is not as easy as it sounds, leaving such an issue after dealing with it for years, is life-changing, and a person is too upset with themselves for the mistake they have done, that they keep hoping that maybe it will get better and wash off their mistake... but meanwhile, things would be getting worse, and the person would be drowning deeper, lacking more and more oxygen to swim up and save themselves...

Monday, March 19, 2007

I got stuck in the bathroom for 3 hours

How did YOU spend your Saturday afternoon? Well, on Saturday afternoon, sitting along at home, I decided to go see a friend whom I haven't been speaking with for the past 4 years, and finally water got under the bridge and we decided to meet and catch up. So I told her I will meet her in Starbucks Zalka at 4:15 pm. Then I remembered that my car wasn't with me, and my brother had parked it in Dora, so I needed to go and get it. I told Joe that he will need to give me a lift to my car in 30 minutes or so, moreover he was waiting for my cue so he can come and pick me up.
At 3:35 pm, I thought I would go to the bathroom (you know, better at home than public restrooms), get dressed and leave for my appointment.

I got out of the bathroom at 6:45pm. You're wondering why? Well continue reading then.

I have this reflex for many things I do on a daily basis, and locking the door is one of these things. So when I went in the bathroom, I locked it while on my pc a song for Jimmi Hendrix was playing, "Hey Joe", however, it's screwed up and it keeps making all those khhhhhhhhh, khwaaaaaaaaaaaakh shiiiiiiiiish sounds, you would think it's been inhabited by demons. As it pissed me off so much, I didn't really do anything in the bathroom, decided to get out, turn off the media player then get back in. And tadaaaaaaaaaaa the lock wouldn't open. It got stuck, and not "there is hope to open" stuck, but stuck-stuck!

All those thoughts rushed through my head like "What's wrong with me? Why did I lock the door when I am home alone?", second I thought "Wish I told Joe to pick me up directly and not just wait for my call!", third "If this doesn't open, then they will have to break the front door, because I have it locked from the inside" and concluded "Wow, is this ridiculous or what, breaking two doors to rescue me from my own bathroom because I am too paranoid!"

Of course, the girl I was supposed to meet called me 5 times, however couldn't answer as the mobile was in my room. Then Joe called me almost 20 times, then after 2 hours and a half he finally confirmed that something's definitely wrong!

By the time he got here, I heard him, told him what's happening then he checked with the neighbors and stuff, the neighbors came, broke the front door then the bathroom door and finally I got out.

What did I do during those 3 hours? Well I found one scissors, so I used it to dig a whole around the lock and maybe try and open the door myself, if I had 90 more minutes myself I think I would've succeeded. Anyway I was also surprisingly positive, because I knew Joe would finally notice I was missing, and that I didn't have a migraine orelse the experience would've sucked dramatically!

Dad told me the next day in order to prevent from such things to happen, I will need to store keep food in the bathroom :P

Friday, March 16, 2007

Salamander Tongue Is World's Most Explosive Muscle

The greatest burst of power from any animal muscle comes from the tongue of a tropical salamander, scientists have announced.

The giant palm salamander of Central America (Bolitoglossa dofleini) captures fast-moving bugs with an explosive tongue thrust that releases over 18,000 watts of power per kilogram of muscle.

That shatters the previous record of 9,600 watts per kilogram, held by the Colorado River toad.

Continue reading here...

Isn't this amazing or what?

Monday, March 12, 2007

Life is weird

Life is weird, when you want something you don't get it, when you get it, you don't really appreciate it, when you appreciate it, you start wanting something else.

I can't remember the last time I was laughing from my heart or being genuinely happy. Until now, the only times that were really fun were unplanned. Every time something is planned, it is completely and utterly unsurprising, unnatural and fake.

So we wait for those surprising, natural and real moments, and then...? My French literature teacher at school used to always say: "Le bonheur n'est pas dans la possession, le bonheur est de le souvenir".

The only answer I believe is go crazy, act like a complete bonehead, scream and not give a crap of what other people thinkl; go on adventures, without worrying how much you're spending or if you're allowed to take off days at work.

We're such cowards. (by we I mean me, and whoever else wants to join me :P)

P.S. That's me in the picture, maybe 4 years ago in our network staring at the pc like the robot, I still stare this way.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Girls can't program

Can you believe that there are still some guys who think that girls can't program, believing that the girl's brain cannot process such information and analysis?

7aram 3anjad :S

Friday, March 02, 2007

Anta Akhi: Fête des mères

From Anta Akhi, Mother's day package, a cook book, containing international recipes written in 3 languages for 30.000 LL.

"Le monde au Menu"
170 pages couleurs en 3 langues, des recettes de tous les continents! Entrées, salades, plats et desserts délicieux et faciles à faire! La fête des mères approche, pourquoi ne pas offrir ce livre à votre maman!

Ce livre sera livré chez vous à 30.000 LL seulement! Pour chaque achat, vous recevrez en cadeau, un sac de 200g du délicieux chocolat SeSoBEL que vous aimez tant!

Merci de continuer à nous aider à assurer une vie meilleure à nos 400 enfants et 57 adultes atteints de lourds handicaps, du SeSoBEL et de Anta Akhi!

Pour plus d'informations et pour vos commandes n'hésitez pas à appeler Chantal au 04.408890 ou en envoyant un mail à:

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Perhapsi yes perhapsi no

He asked me: "Don't you want to get the answer now?"
I replied: "Well sure, why not!"
He called the other guy, they both sat down, had some laughs on my expenses.
The first said: "You know, it could be a yes or a no."
I laughed, knowing from the first moment, that it is a yes, but still hiding my excitement and smile, I made myself think of death so I stay calm.
After some time of teasing and back & forth questions and answers, they said: "Welcome".

And then I smiled, a very big smile. If I had a chance, I would've said what Homer Simpson says:


Friday, February 23, 2007

OzZi In UL

I decided to pass by my old college and pick up my diploma (yep it's been 5 years and I didn't bring it), I thought it wasn't important and it's only a decorative tool for the wall, turns out it is important.
Of course, the people were gone home by then, so I will have to go again, but I went for a walk to places where we used to hang out... with every step, a memory. I was happy to be there... Finally I remember I am one of those crazy people who write their names everywhere and draw stuff... I searched till I found this.

Oh for the record, my nickname is Ozzi since 8 years or so.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Someone said she loves her job :|

I thought I would never hear this, but apparently, some people are happy... at their job!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Children of men and Arabic writings

I wanted to talk about this 2 weeks ago when I saw the movie "Children of men", a good movie, makes you think and get depressed a bit. Anyway in the movie, there is graffitis and writings on walls of this weird city, talking about Al-Intifada, and they had it written in Arabic, however, what's disapointing is they did not even bother to get someone who knows how to write arabic, and not just match Latin alphabet with Arabic ones.

They wrote it like this: انتفادا

Ma heik?

Monday, February 05, 2007

Monday, January 29, 2007

Ze ring Ze revenge

I was taking a picture of myself yesterday with one of Tori Amos' album in order to upload it so I can be part of the big mosaic made of fan pictures, anyway, this is how my picture came out

I am dying in 7 days!!!!

Anta Akhi: Valentine (English)

(Check below post for French)
Click for larger sizeBecause we believe that love is the last to have its say, Anta Akhi offers with the coming of Saint Valentine's holiday, a white towel embroidered in red (35 x 50 cm) with a small package of delicious chocolate from SeSoBel.

This nice package will be delivered to you in only 15,000 LL.

A small participation from you end will help us face the economic crisis that has landed on our home and our handicapped youth.

For your orders, please contact Chantal by email on or by phone 04.408890.

Thank you for everything.

Anta Akhi: Valentin (French)

(Check above post for English)

Click for larger sizeParce que nous croyons que l'amour aura toujours le dernier mot,
Anta Akhi vous propose, à l'approche de la fête de Saint Valentin, fête de l'amour,
une serviette blanche brodée en rouge (35 x 50 cm) avec un petit paquet
du delicieux chocolat SeSoBEL.

Ce joli paquet sera livré chez vous à 15.000 LL seulement.

Une petite participation de votre part nous aidera à faire face à la
crise économique qui menace notre foyer et nos jeunes atteints de
lourds handicaps.

Pour vos commandes, prière de contacter Chantal par email à ou par téléphone au 04.408890

Merci pour tout!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

In the Morning

Would love to see Norah Jones in Concert one day.


Monday, January 22, 2007

State of Panic

During lunch break, 2 of my colleagues informed me that they are going to ABC mall in Ashrafieh to check the 50% sales. So Yippeeeeee, I went with them. But of course, for those who are not familiar with the Sale in Lebanon, it is usually a slightly more complicated formula. In general a sale is on an Item's price which is X, if it is 30%, the final price F will be:
F = X x (100 - 30) / 100

Now in Lebanon it goes like:
Y = X x (100 + 20) / 100
F = Y x (100 - 30) / 100

Got it? Okay for those who don't like math, first they increase the original price X to Y, then they do a sale on Y and not on X. So eventually the 30% is not really a 30%, it's much less!

Anyway, I went to Aizone, I only go there when I am with my friends and THEY want to buy anything. I don't like paying much for clothes just because they are branded and their quality is not really the best quality in the world. I saw a Coat, leather coat, it is something I might wear, long, beige, so I looked at the price, something I instinctevily do, being poor and stuff. At first I thought it was 386'000 LL, "a bit expensive but maybe worth it", I reflected, but to my surprise (and I almost fainted), there was a 4th Zero, it was actually 3'860'000 LL, which is a bit more than 2'500 US$.

Conclusion: it is actually cheaper to travel to Turkey, get a real leather coat and come back!

Thursday, January 18, 2007

38 ways to win an argument

38 ways to win an argument, or a more eloquent description of the matter, "The Art of Controversy". Surprisingly, while reading these ways on this link I have come to realize that I among many other close and distant persons use some of these ways, the more instinctive ones. I bet the husband is pretty familiar with #38. It's a pretty effective method, just make it person and get angry, now who can argue with you anymore. However, this method cannot be used with just everyone, so if you're having an argument with your boss for example, maybe #37 can save your day.

So again, if you're interested in learning or increasing your knowledge in the Art of Controversy, which can be reffered to in slang language as "Kickin' Yo Ass!", just click here.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Giving up

I recently learned that a lot of students give up on their Thesis. It's kind of good news, as I have been beating myself up for being so late with it. However I don't plan to give it up, although I felt sometimes, that this is one thing I won't be able to do.

What's the secret though? Why most people go all the way, and then drop it all when the Thesis comes? What is this feeling we have? Apparently it's a universal thing.

For one, I spent a good bunch of money which I worked hard earning on it, and second of all, if I give it up, then I will be ... giving up!

Once you give up on one thing, then you will do it on another and another...

The scary thing is that how much a person changes and how much his principles and beliefs change! High school days, university days and even while I was still studying the MS courses, I had one goal in mind, PhD! Now it's no longer my goal.

Once again, we are sucked in the slavery machine of this world with all its judgements and labels and rankings. I refuse this. However I don't like to stop something because I cannot do it, I only stop when I know I can do it but don't find its use anymore. At this point, I have doubts that I can finish my thesis, and this is why I am not stopping. I am not quitting.

I just can't find myself sitting on my pc and working like hell, how have I grown so lazy? I know I was never much of an A student or a study-lover, but I know I had potential and I could deliver when I want to. However seems like there's something wrong with my brains lately. Or could it be my full time job, my boring job, my dead end job, seeing that Computer Science was never really what I wanted to do, and uptill today I don't have a clear idea of what I should've done! Take me back 8 years and I still don't know which major to pick.

At the same time, if I had majored in something else, I would have went crazy if I didn't know how to program and develop a website! Talk about stupid dilemma!

I will stop here, I think if I keep writing I will end up writing a novel which will be worth nothing. Or maybe I could sell it and become rich?

Friday, January 12, 2007

Borat Under the Hammer

The Naughty Borat has got himself into trouble, so many victims of his movie, where they either fell victim to Borat, or after the movie came out, they paid the price of falling his victim, as they let out some honest thoughts (such as racism and sexism) during the footage, are now thinking of sueing or are sueing Borat!

The most unfortunate one was Dharma Arthur, the TV producer who allowed Borat to appear on her show, lost her job, and couldn't find one for 3 months!

Read more here.

I bet COCO is ecstatic to hear this news!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

January 24th the most depressing day

And finally, make plans for 24th January!

It is official. January 24th is the most depressing day of the year according to research by Cardiff University. In the aftermath of the festive period, January has long been regarded as the darkest of months as most employees return to work feeling de-motivated and sluggish.

Source: Jobs MSN

Reading those Jobs related articles every now and then is a thrill. Because I get to see that I am not hallucinating and job related depression exists! They usually deal with psychological issues we go through as job people, routine people, 9 to 5 people (although I start at 8:30 am and stay till 6,7,8,9...), boring and bored people.

My job depresses me too. I don't like my job. I don't like my boss. I am going to nag as much as I want, this is my blog! *sighs*

I know that most people feel this way, and I should suck it up. However I am not happy so I am not easily going to be able to "cope with it" or "accept it" or "live with it", because if I do, I will be bidding farewell for any potential dream coming true, and definitely for my creativity.

Every day, my motivation, creativity, hopes and dreams die a little bit. What will I become after a couple of year?
What good am I this way to people I love or potential people I might be able to help?

That Cardiff University is wrong, January 24th is not the most depressing day, today is, and yesterday, and tomorrow!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Dawn simulator curbs wintertime blues

Reuters Photo: Two men watch the sunrise in the Solomon Islands, April 21, 2006. For people who... First, I had thought the whole wintertime blues was only something of my own imagination. I always thought of the reason why I get so depressed during winter, especially January and February. And apparently it is true. Anyway, they have some kind of a cure, which is called Dawn simulator. There is something even called SAD - seasonal affective disorder.

Anyway I usually turn on the lights when I wake up, but this isn't really working anymore, because the curtains on my balcony are closed and I don't get any sun-light in the morning, this is probably why I can't get out of bed.

"Dawn simulation and negative air ionization are two naturalistic, non-pharmaceutical environmental enhancements now verified superior to placebo and remarkably effective in the treatment of winter depression," Dr. Michael Terman told Reuters Health.


With bright light therapy, SAD sufferers sit at a bright light box for 30 minutes at breakfast time. Dawn simulation and negative air ionization are more convenient, being delivered automatically and innocuously during the final hours of sleep by an apparatus placed next to the bed.


Although the sunrise pulse treatment was "therapeutically active" in some patients, it led to the persistence, emergence and exacerbation of depressive symptoms, making it an "unfavorable option," the Termans write.

Click here to read full article.

Monday, January 01, 2007


I saw Borat 2 days ago, and it cracked me up. I barely smile, and rarely laugh. But Borat made me laugh more than 1 time. Sacha Baron Cohen did a great job being and creating the Borat character just as he did with Ali G. The first half was hilarious, although it got a bit weird for me, when Borat and his producer Azamat were running after each other, completely nude.
However, I give it an 8.5/10. Especially because there has been many scenes that are real footage and not acting, and sometimes it is hard to tell which is which.
After a couple of minutes since Azamat started having lines in the movie, I found the language familiar, but was focusing on the english translation so I didn't pick it up. Suddenly, I realized it was Aremnian, a language I hear very often and fairly understand. Yes Azamat, the Kazakhastanian producer was speaking Aremnian, and I suspected Borat was just babbling by using the "KH" pronounciation very often.
Finally, if you haven't seen the movie, go see it, it's a funny one, crazy, very well directed and shot (again with the whole real footage).
P.S. When Borat puts a sac on Pamela Anderson, I think this was real!
Borat deserves the whole fuss that had!