Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Giving up

I recently learned that a lot of students give up on their Thesis. It's kind of good news, as I have been beating myself up for being so late with it. However I don't plan to give it up, although I felt sometimes, that this is one thing I won't be able to do.

What's the secret though? Why most people go all the way, and then drop it all when the Thesis comes? What is this feeling we have? Apparently it's a universal thing.

For one, I spent a good bunch of money which I worked hard earning on it, and second of all, if I give it up, then I will be ... giving up!

Once you give up on one thing, then you will do it on another and another...

The scary thing is that how much a person changes and how much his principles and beliefs change! High school days, university days and even while I was still studying the MS courses, I had one goal in mind, PhD! Now it's no longer my goal.

Once again, we are sucked in the slavery machine of this world with all its judgements and labels and rankings. I refuse this. However I don't like to stop something because I cannot do it, I only stop when I know I can do it but don't find its use anymore. At this point, I have doubts that I can finish my thesis, and this is why I am not stopping. I am not quitting.

I just can't find myself sitting on my pc and working like hell, how have I grown so lazy? I know I was never much of an A student or a study-lover, but I know I had potential and I could deliver when I want to. However seems like there's something wrong with my brains lately. Or could it be my full time job, my boring job, my dead end job, seeing that Computer Science was never really what I wanted to do, and uptill today I don't have a clear idea of what I should've done! Take me back 8 years and I still don't know which major to pick.

At the same time, if I had majored in something else, I would have went crazy if I didn't know how to program and develop a website! Talk about stupid dilemma!

I will stop here, I think if I keep writing I will end up writing a novel which will be worth nothing. Or maybe I could sell it and become rich?


  1. "Once you give up on one thing, then you will do it on another and another... " is a very true statement and I'm a living example lel assaf.

    As to the question of why do ppl drop it all? Ana b2ellik my experience balkeh it makes sense. You go in with all the potential, the 7amess, the energy, the mind and soul, everything... wa iz, betsireh shwey shwey testakeshfeh estehtar el assetzeh wel moudara wel administration, w eddeysh mestalsh2in fikeh w bi darssik w ma hammoun ella tkouneh 3am tedfa3eh ostik 3al wa2et (eh na3am bi kanada kamen).. w iza 3am teshteghleh betla7zeh enno kell hal courses wel essaies wel researches ma khassa wala betmett bi ayya sila bel 7ayet el yawmiyyeh (tab3an mesh 3am eshmoul kell el majelet bass this was my experience with IT, not more than 10% of the courses are actually useful out of University)

    having said all that w ana ble22 7akeh ktir LOL, don't give up. You're bright, you are good in what you're doing, and you can be really useful to yourself, to Lebanon and to the world. And no matter what people say, this piece of paper is important. Best of luck!

  2. Walla I understand what you're saying, same thing happened here, I wish they tell us to do the thesis from the first semester, as we'd be so enthousiastic and credible in our work!

    3a kil 7al, thanks a lot for your words, I will keep them in mind when I graduate iza alla rad!

  3. "Once again, we are sucked in the slavery machine of this world with all its judgements and labels and rankings. I refuse this" and yes I also refuse this. i do not say this PhD isn't important but I say there's something wrong with the way the "world" and people in "general" look up to such people who earned this piece of paper. Unfortunately I must say that this "mazaher" or how do you call them? yes these appearences count so much in here, in our country and in the middle-east. As if a cleaning lady isn't worth anything or as if we DO have to talke about our "maid" and not "domestic servant" or "the girl who helps me"...
    I advise you to continue, till that very moment you can in all freedom decide what is now most important to you.

  4. Lili

    not all people have the strength, the will power and patience to write a thesis, this is why most of the students go through a research project track rather than thesis track! Out of my personal experience i can tell you that completing a thesis with a successful defense (you know all the commitee crap and stuff) is one hell of an achievment! plus you get to publish it!
    But we all go through this doubting phase! am i gonna make it? how can i do it, i am not the ba77ish type! but once your methodology is set and your literature review is done... then you should know that half the job is done! My M.S thesis took me 1 year full time! so if you are working then u do have a valid excuse! as for my PhD well let's not talk about it!! Courage!!!!

  5. To vosje, that is very true, at first maybe wanting to do a PhD was just about becoming a "doctor" for me, yes I was that shallow. I wanted a title, I wanted a respectable position in society, but then with time, I found out, no title or rank could make you respectable, and this is why I put my dream of doing a PhD on hold, I need a better and deeper excuse to do it.

    To m(x9), that's true, and I guess you're right, when I finish my thesis, one hell of a burden will disappear and I will feel like I accomplished something!

    Thanks for your word y'all :)

  6. that's why I am not doing a thesis :P

  7. Inta ma ktir t7ar2esneh, wa ella next time you come to lebanon you're gonna get a hell out of a beating :D

    But don't you miss us with you in class? :P

  8. i can relate to you very much..

    i was going to drop my honors thesis last semester...went through friggin' hell, but did it, thanks to my supportive friends/family..

    go for it girl, you will feel SO good at the end!

  9. Well Congrats then Zanzounito, I am sure it feels good :D Yalla nshalla soon.