Been a long time since I babbled... here you go

It's all in the brains. After all, what do we have that makes up our mind and our point of views, our opinions and our perception of things but our brains. You can love a person indefinitely, endlessly and with so much passion, and another day you can simply look at them like they are total strangers, like they are obstacles and holding you back from where you want to go and who you want to be. Be it a friend, a lover, a brother...

Sometimes I wonder about those people who are in denial, are they really in denial or did they simply program their brains to perceive something in a way that will make them feel okay about their life and their surroundings, that's a defense mechanism alright, but why do some people consider it so wrong? Now I understand, if you're in denial but you are sad, then you haven't really succeeded in convincing yourself about acceptance. However, when you're in denial and happy, are you really in denial? 

How do we know that happiness is a real thing and it's nothing something you simply look at differently. How many times do people advise you to just "be happy". What does that mean really? Do conditions change? Do you get happy and then change the conditions around you? Do you accept conditions the way they are and decide to just "be happy"? How do you know you're not lying to yourself and we are not all lying to ourselves all the time 24/7 just to pass this life.

How do you know you are really in love, that you really like drinking, that you really like partying, that you really like coffee, that you really like reading a book? Do you read a book to escape real life? Do you read a book to get better at something so you feel better about yourself so you become more confident when with others? Why do we have to be very good at things to feel self-confident around others. 

If you're not doing what you love, love what you do. Life is overrated. Love is overrated. Everything in this life is overrated. My flaw is that I believe, and I expect too much. After 30 years on this planet, I can say I will stop believing, and I will stop expecting. The only thing I want to do is have a good time, on the expense of anyone.

That was a moment I was truly happy, since then I take the same style of photo but I can never reproduce that moment. I have discussed and asked so many times on this blog, what is happiness and if it can be attained alone. I want to convince myself, that yes it can. And I don't care about sharing it. I mean, I can always share it on this blog, with the people who have become my friends, and that is good enough for me.

Talking about happiness

Coco suggested that I write about happiness instead of fears. I know that she thought I was depressed or bothered when I wrote about my fears, but I really wasn't. I felt like, once you admit what you're afraid of, you can at least challenge it or realise it and maybe get over it.

As for happines, here's a mind breaker, I don't think it exists in general. We have been brought up to think that money does not bring happiness. However, I have lived all my life in the middle class (in a very struggling middle class, not the rich middle class), and the only thing that I can say is, Money does not NOT bring happiness, because I wouldn't know. For many, happiness is the lack of sadness, and maybe its the same with me.

You see life is nothing but a series of moments, and if you're happy this moment, then you're happy all your life.
Like when I was a kid, I used to tell myself, why is holding your breath that hard, every second just say I want to hold it for another second? But of course, it's not that simple, and being happy is not that simple either.

In my opinion, people lie to themselves all the time, they live in denial and suppressed memories. But not to sound so gloomy, I do experience happy moments in my life. Which ones? well here's a list:

1- ..

(wow writing a happy list is much harder than the fears list... wait I still didn't give up)

1- ..

(a minute passed and still nothing)

1- Having a great conversation with someone (no one in specific, just anyone, a friend, a relative, a stranger, a colleague), like a deep conversation
2- Learning about something after knowing about for so long but never knowing how it works
3- Helping someone without knowing (but of course learning about it after some time)
4- Realising each day that maybe we do have a lot of family problems, but as long as they are all alive and healthy, I am happy
5- Seeing my nephew after some time, and now another nephew was born 2 weeks ago, so double happiness
6- How some friends sometimes do the nicest small things just to show support and agreement
7- How some friends understand you when you go cou-cou
8- Receiving a gift without expecting it, even if it's a useless gift, but you know, those gifts which show that someone was thinking about you at some point
9- Eating something delicious after craving it for some time
10- Music

Wow, I did it :), thanks coco. There is a lot of stuff out there you can be happy about, you just need to know what to focus on more I guess.

My first optimistic post. Injez.