Saturday, September 04, 2010

5 stages of grief

I learned about the 5 stages of grief from the movie "The life of David Gale", I highly recommend it, and D'Oh also one crazy episode of the Simpsons when Homer thinks he's going to die soon, hilarious episode.

Salvador Dali
In my opinion, those 5 stages aren't just stages that you go through after learning that you're going to the die soon due to finding out you have a terminal illness or the like, they also apply on knowing any kind of truth that you simply strongly disagree with.

The 5 stages are:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance

The 5 stages of grief are also known as Kübler-Ross model
The Kübler-Ross model, commonly known as the five stages of grief, was first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying.
So, I recently went through something like it. It's quite ridiculously funny, knowing something, yet completely being oblivious of it until it ends. I knew about these stages, but only yesterday when I accepted that annoying situation I've come to deal with recently, did I realize that I went through these stages.

It's hard! With time, I know I am learning a lot of things about myself. They say that you cannot know what you're made of if you're living a happy easy life, it's only when the tough gets going till you know "min shou ma3danak ma3moul" (what you're made of). And I can say, with some belief (yeah I still believe), good friends, life itself, you emerge as someone who simply, stands up to what they don't like, try to change, and when they know they can't, they stop, they understand, they accept, and move in.. Moving on is the keyword.

All my life, I try to distinguish between two things, what I can change so I change it if I don't like it, and what I cannot change, so I accept it and move on. This serenity prayer, which I first say hanging in the Girl Guides' Association's central meeting place, might be considered as a cliché, yet, I find it to sum up everything I perceive in this life:

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

You can see the extended version here.

p.s. I believe happiness SHOULD be attained on your own, and then shared. Happiness shouldn't depend on having someone else in your life. #justsayin (in response to a post I wrote before)

Now Playing: 30 seconds to Mars - Closer to the edge


  1. I don't know why you said this post might depress us. Despite the subject I think it is about, I can sense a positive vibe, like you've come out stronger and are ready to move on.

    I had heard about those stages before as well. But what I'd like to add is that it's only when you reach the fifth stage that you see that you went through them. Not to make it too personal on a public post, but at some point you feel like there is no way to ever accept what happened (whatever it is), and that happiness is no longer an option for you, ever. It's only when you reach acceptance that you can become stronger or "changed", and can really truly move on.

    On another note, the life of David Gale is such an A+ movie.

  2. It is sooo true, I've been through them (too many times unfortunately) but u don't realise you did only towards the end. We sometime don't mourn our loved one immediately. We each deal with death differently and at diff. paces

  3. What's stopping you from taking the initiative?
    Rules? I doubt that’s stopping you.
    Protocols? I also doubt that.

    What could be at the essence of uneasiness?

    Instead of hiding yourself in blogs, tweets, facebook and so forth, simply admit to yourself you are afraid of rejection. You are afraid of the unknown. But I am here to tell you that you can conquer these fears by simply being honest with yourself.

    By the way, I'm the one who always clicks on the boring check box on your posts (if you've noticed). I love reading them don't get me wrong, but none of the experiences you post are anything new or unforeseen. Your blog amuses me in the fact that we are all too common in our human frailties and thought processes.

    Being afraid to put yourself out there, fearing of risking it will not suffice Lilian. You are ready for Love, to give it and to receive it, and yet you are worried your love will not be sufficiently reciprocated. But here I am, your subconscious, telling you that there is nothing to fear. Accept the fact that there are no guarantees and all possibilities are probable. This situation can be closed cased by one simple phone call, one simple heartfelt email or one simple meeting with him, or it could be her, but I hope not ;).

    There is nothing outside of yourself stopping you from getting what/who you want.

    Note: all above I admit is conjecture and is stated simply for you to only take what you need out of it. I sincerely hope it helps. And if I’m completely wrong or missed the gist of your post, than #KE7 :).

  4. Anonymous, you say you're my subconscious eh? I hope people don't think that I've become schysophrenic :P As much as your comment put a smile on my face, for many different reasons.

    1- This blog isn't really to provide anything unforeseen, it's simply about me to document the way my thinking changed over time (or not)

    2- At first I thought you were someone, now I know for sure you're not him, for one reason and it's the fact that you think I don't take risks :) and I don't make that phone call.. hehe you're very wrong. And I have been rejected :) I am not afraid of being rejected.

    3- You call this hiding? :P everyone knows everything about me lol

    Finally, I really appreciate that you finally commented and I finally found out (even though it's anonymous) the person behind labeling my posts as boring! :P

  5. Oh and anonymous, would you mind providing an email I can contact you on? I want to ask you a question